Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Help for the homeless

Around this time of year my thoughts always turn to the plight of the homeless. Walk through any downtown and you will see them standing or shuffling around, often dishevelled and dirty, the worst off of them mumbling incoherently to themselves.

The solution: put them on a bus to the nearest international airport. Once there they can mingle with business people arriving from international flights as they stagger around the concourse bleary-eyed and unwashed in their crumpled suits and creased shirts. And once the arriving passengers fire up their bluetooth headsets, you won't even be able to distinguish the homeless mumblers from the cordless callers.

Once the traditional holiday season overbookings and flight cancellations begin, the homeless will be able to wander aimlessly around the terminal carrying all their possessions in plastic shopping bags, sleep on the benches, and wash up in the restrooms without looking out of place, and the assimilation will be complete.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Animals facing extinction: please help

Some of nature's most noble animals are facing extinction. You can help simply by refusing to buy products made from their skins. Without customers, hunters will leave these precious natural specimens alone. The three that I'm most worried about right now are:

-- The silver arctic faux. Somehow it's become acceptable, even among the fur-conscious, to wear faux fur, and many people never even stop to ask themselves where faux fur comes from. The answer, of course, is the artic faux. Act now: ban faux fur before its too late for the silver artic faux.

-- The nauga. Naugas, hunted for their naugahides, almost went extinct once before in the 1930s and are now so rarely seen that some specialists think it may already be too late to save them.

-- The fake leopard. Now so rare that its pelt has become too expensive for anything but shoes, fake leopard coats change hands for ridiculous sums in vintage clothing stores.