Thursday, January 18, 2007

Clinically Proven

Carl Zetie has been clinically proven to be effective!*


*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. Carl Zetie is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

World's Most Pointless Jobs?

I used to think that the most pointless job on the planet was being a referee in professional wrestling. Nothing is apparently against the rules, the wrestlers routinely ignore instructions from the referee, and the only responsibility is to "miss" some incredibly obvious outside intereference that everybody in the audience spotted. Imagine going home and having your significant other ask "so how was work today?". "The usual: I looked the other way while two big sweaty guys in Speedos rolled around with each other."

But watching the Green Bay Packers on TV the other night, I realized that there's a job even less worthwhile: being a cheerleader in Green Bay in the winter. Presumably, these cheerleaders look like all the others across professional sports (no, I'm not going to spell it out for you) but you'd never know it under all the wrapping and padding needed to avoid frostbite, exposure and hypothermia when you spend three hours on a windy night standing around the sidelines at Lambeau Field. I wonder how many of them were thinking "I worked out all summer so I could look like I weigh 220 pounds on national television?".

In fairness, they didn't actually look like they weighed 220 pounds. Instead, they looked like they were wearing fat suits -- you know, the ones that Hollywood recently discovered and thinks are so intrinsically funny that you can make an entire hilarious movie around somebody wearing one without needing to bother with actual jokes or a plot. See, for example, "Shallow Hal" and "Big Momma's House". Or rather, don't see them.