Monday, June 30, 2008

Drinking too much

Dean Martin is supposed to have said that you're not seriously drunk if you can still lie on the floor without falling off.

Make that "best two out of three" and I'm with him.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The liberal media elite conspiracy

I'm reliably informed by my republican friends (of which I have none) that there is a liberal media elite plot to force homosexuality down the throats of Americans. They cite as evidence the growing "insinuation" of gay characters into network TV shows.

Of course in reality this has been going on for years: look at "I Dream of Jeannie" for example. There's the "straight shooting" astronaut "bachelor" who has a secret that he has to keep "bottled up" because his military commanders wouldn't understand. Maybe they could get away with that in the 1960s, but these days the euphemisms are transparently obvious. And remember the transvestite so-called "mother-in-law" in "Bewitched" -- could it be any more obvious?

The bad news for conservatives is that this TV season, all pretense is out the window. Check out these shows that are confirmed on the fall schedules:

"Honey I'm Homosexual": After 20 years of marriage and three children, a marketing account executive in his 40s comes out of the closet. His boyfriend moves into the spare bedroom of the family home leading to all kinds of mixups with friends, family, and visitors. Hilarity ensues.

"Extreme Makeover: Homo Edition": "Queer Eye" meets "Extreme Makeover" with fabulous results.

"Sex In the City": Four friends in NYC lead a stereotypically promiscuous urban gay male lifestyle while trying on expensive women's clothes and shoes. Nobody complains that this is corrupting American children because they are heterosexual women.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The king is dead

George Carlin has died. As reminder of how great he was, here's one compilation of somebody's choice of 101 best Carlin quotes.

Just think: he said at least 101 things this smart and funny. That's about 100 more than the average person manages in a lifetime. And this is only scraping the surface of the greatness that was Carlin.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Coffee: Is there anything it can't do?

I'm going to live forever:

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Security theater becomes theater of the absurd

On a few recent business trips, I've noticed a new policy at hotels to ask for photo ID as well as a credit card. I can't for the life of me figure out why. I did ask a hotel receptionist and she said it was to ensure that my credit card wasn't being used fraudulently.

And that makes perfect sense, because I know that if I'd stolen somebody's credit card, the first thing I'd do is use it to check into a hotel under the victim's name, triggering the credit card company's fraud alert system, and letting the police know exactly where they could find me for the next few days.

In fact, I think I'd go wait in the bar and order some nachos while I wait for them to show up.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Unfortunate choice of words

Germany rolled over Poland again (I'm talking about the Euro 2008 soccer championship here), but am I alone in thinking that the German coaches choice of words was a little unfortunate in suggesting that the victory was a triumph of the will?

Thursday, June 05, 2008

New "Law & Order" spin-off

In the criminal justice system, traffic based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad:

Law & Order: SUV