- I have no reflection in mirrors, nor do I show up in photographs.
- I am the best-selling author of several books in the "Dummies" series, most notably "Ventriloquism for Dummies".
- I also wrote 2008's top non-fiction book, "The Idiot's Guide to Managing Risk With Collateralized Mortgage Obligations". Sorry about that.
- Before they turn out the lights, monsters check under the bed for me.
- My hobby is annoying mathematicians. I like to divide by zero, factor prime numbers, and resolve the Axiom of Choice, just for the looks on their faces.
- I understand the difference between parody and satire, and furthermore I can explain it in eight words.
- I am the least musically talented person you have ever met. The last time I took part in a jam session, they took the tambourine away from me for playing it out of key.
- I know that Jesus loves me, but I just like him as a friend. So it's awkward.
- My Indian name is "Picked Last For Sports".
- I am illegal in thirteen states, including all the ones that begin with A.
- I'm not really as short as I look, I'm just moving really fast relative to you. (If you understand this, I silently applaud you.)
- When I was a child, I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
- I am the other, other white meat.
- My one remaining ambition in life is to go gray before I go bald.
- Technically, I am the world's smallest giant. It's a long story.
- In the sitcom of life, I am your wacky neighbor.
- It's true what they say about men with small feet. We do have a hard time buying shoes.
- I have a four inch scar on my right shoulder blade, acquired during my most recent autopsy.
- No. 10 isn't completely true. Strictly speaking, I'm only illegal in Alabama on Sundays.
- I need a cup of coffee. This is true regardless of when you are reading this list.
- If you can guess my real name, I will spin straw into gold for you.
- I have been compared to George Clooney, Tiger Woods and Steven Hawking. But not favorably.
- I rarely introduce my friends to each other because I'm afraid they'll like each other more than they like me. This is really true.
- People who act as though they dislike me are really just intimidated by my charm, intelligence and wit, I like to think.
- I use humor as a psychological defense mechanism to hide my fear of intimacy and keep other people at a safe emotional distance. You bastard.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
25 Facts About Me: The Sequel
I guess it's about time I finished up this list. Here is the complete 25 facts in their entirety: