No, not an alcoholic: an alcophilic. I don't need alcohol, but I do love the way it tastes. Consequently, I don't have a drinking problem, but I might have a not-drinking problem.
Here's the issue: the only drinks that I really like the taste of are coffee, which I drink all day, and alcoholic beverages, which I drink in the evening. I like beer, wine, and most spirits (except gin, which I regard not so much as a drink choice but rather as a character flaw). Frankly, I'd like to have more nights where I don't drink any alcohol, but there's really nothing else I like the taste of nearly as much. Fruit juices are too sweet (and surprisingly calorie-laden). Soda and other children's drinks are sticky and unpleasantly flavored. Fruit teas are bitter (and not in the good way). Water is bland and boring, and I refuse to pay good money for the various ridiculous flavored, colored, or "enhanced" waters in the supermarket.
Out of desperation, I gave alcohol-free beer a try. And while it's better than most of the alternatives (at least it's not ridiculously sweet -- why does the average american have the palate of a five year-old?), it really doesn't taste much like beer.
And that's when I decided: the thing that makes beer taste good is the alcohol. That's the flavor that I like.
My name is Carl, and I'm an alcophilic.