Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Mad Cons

Everybody is familiar with the fill-in-blanks game Mad Libs. Well, I've invented a new game called Mad Cons. There's only one sentence to fill in and it goes like this:

"I'm outraged that Obama did _______ with ________ when he should have __________ ."

Best submission wins a prize: your very own talk show on Fox News.

Friday, June 18, 2010

NCAA Issues Sanctions Against Republican Party

In an unprecedented move, the NCAA announced today severe sanctions against the Republican Party. A four-year long investigation uncovered a pattern of systematic recruiting violations, illegal contacts with interns, and inappropriate financial inducements. "If you think that what Reggie Bush did was bad", said an NCAA spokesperson speaking on condition of anonymity, "You should see what we learned about George W. Bush". In a press statement in response to the announcement, the Republican Party immediately identified the anonymous spokesperson, published his home address, and urged reporters to investigate his background.

The NCAA announced an extensive list of sanctions against the GOP. Most significantly, the two National Election championships that the party won under Bush will be vacated and erased from the record. The NCAA has yet to decide whether to award those championships to the losing finalists, Al Gore and John Kerry, or to leave them vacant. The GOP will also forfeit numerous Senate and House victories in which Bush played a part.

Critics of the NCAA's actions point out that, as with previous sanctions issued by the organization, those chiefly responsible, including Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove, have moved on to lucrative new positions outside the organization and will be largely untouched by the punishment.

Three More Things That Make No Sense...

...in the Star Wars universe.

1) Every planet in the galaxy has roughly the same gravity, regardless of the size or composition of the planet, so everybody can move around comfortably.

2) Every species in the galaxy can breathe the same atmosphere (with a couple of exceptions), which is also the same on every planet.

3) Apparently, there are fewer than 900,000 droids in the entire galaxy, serving billions of sentient beings. How do we know? Star Wars Episode I makes it clear that "R2-D2" is an individual designation, not a model number. And in the entire canon, every droid is named using the same pattern. There is no instance of a droid with a number larger than 9 in its designation. Other episodes confirm that "R2" is the model type. So even allowing for letters or numbers in the 2nd and 4th place, that allows for fewer than 1,000 of R2-type astromech that seems to be everywhere, including on-board every fighter before they run out of numbers.