Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I was stuck behind a guy in a Prius this morning with his bumper covered with sanctimonious bullet points. Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles in theory. It just seems that in practice, the reduced emission of smog is more than offset by the increased emission of smug.

Anyway, this particular driver had a sticker saying "Overpopulation: #1 environmental problem." And it struck me: people who say this never seem to be willing to do anything about it personally.

Monday, November 09, 2009

A Final Thought On Creationism and Intelligent Design

I have decided that I'm done with the topics of creationism and intelligent design. I've tried parody. I've tried satire. I've even been victimized by Poe's Law.

So I've decided to attempt a reasonable compromise with Christian fundamentalists. I propose that we all agree that man evolved from apes, except in certain parts of the American South, where he hasn't. Does that seem reasonable?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Espresso Checkout Line

In a coffee shop the other day I was stuck in line behind somebody ordering a "venti double skinny mocha vanilla mumbo jumbo", or something. Which is a drink, it turns out.

That's when I decided that coffee shops should have an express line, for those of us that actually want to order coffee, with a large sign saying "Two Adjective Limit Per Customer".

Of course, if I were running a coffee shop it would only serve four drinks -- espresso, cappuccino, latte and macchiato. If you want something with flavored syrup or whipped cream, try the Dairy Queen.

Feeling older

Last week, somebody tweeted one of my blog posts.

I can remember when that wasn't even a sentence.