Monday, February 25, 2008

Another disturbing thought

Donald Duck. Winnie the Pooh. Porky Pig. Why do none of these characters wear pants?

Even worse, Mickey Mouse does wear pants. Doesn't he ever look at Donald and say "Uh, buddy, did you forget something this morning?"

Am I the only one who finds this all profoundly disturbing?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

British Children's TV shows that sound dirty (but aren't)

I grew up in England thinking these names were perfectly innocent. Then I hit adolescence...

"Brian! Have you been muffin' the mule again?"

"Crap, I've got a blue peter."
"Yeah, well, I warned you about noggin' the nog."

Friday, February 15, 2008

Doing it wrong

I've often thought that you could have a really great time if the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the Food and Drug Administration got together for a party: "Hey guys, we'll bring the food and drugs, you bring the alcohol and tobacco. Uh... probably better not to bring any firearms..."

Monday, February 11, 2008

Nursery Rhymes for the 21st Century

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Mary had a little lamb,
Six servings of grains
And seven servings of fruit and vegetables.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Rational explanations for movie cliches (part 2)

Cliche: Any car chase anywhere in the world invariably involves a collision with at least one fruit cart. Astonishingly, even highly-developed glass-and-steel financial districts permit rickety wooden fruit stalls to do business on their street corners. Even more astonishingly, every form of transport ever constructed is able to avoid fast moving, swerving cars... except for fruit carts.

Rational Explanation: It's an insurance scam. The fruit vendors save all the overripe, unsold fruit and stash it on strategically-stored carts. Whenever a high speed car chase takes place in their neighborhood, they attempt to push the cart into the path of the vehicle, then claim on the driver's insurance.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Middle Age (again)

Middle age is when somebody buys you a nose hair trimmer for Christmas.

And you are genuinely grateful.