Monday, November 17, 2008

Three Things That Are More Dangerous When Organized

Organized labor.

Organized crime.

Organized religion.

Failin' Palin

OK, I can't let it go just yet. One of the things that most annoyed me during the recent election cycle was attempts by Republican talking heads to equate Palin's experience as Mayor of Wasilla and Governor of Alaska with Obama's experience in the Illinois and U.S. Senates.

What nobody seemed willing to acknowledge was that it's not just the quantity of experience that counts, but also the quality. As mayor, Palin had to hire a Town Manager for the first time in Wasilla's history -- hardly a testament to her executive ability. And in under two years as Governor, she managed to chalk up enough acts of nepotism and abuse of power to be found guilty of ethics abuses -- something that takes most executives at least a full term to achieve.

On reflection, maybe she has the qualities to be a Republican Vice President... but Democrats hold their candidates for national office to a higher standard.

Saturday, November 08, 2008


The election is over, and soon Sarah Palin will be largely forgotten, to be recalled only as a Quayle-like punchline to questions such as "Which VP candidate thought Africa was a country?".

But before she is gone, I am left with one nagging question. She first became celebrated for her line "the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick!". The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have no idea what that is even supposed to mean. Seriously, in what way? Is she saying that she's unstable, vicious, and likely to attack innocent children without provocation? One thing I do know: McCain's people wish they'd kept her on a shorter leash. And possibly a choke collar.

Personally I think the following comparisons would have been better:

Q: What's the difference between a pitbull with its teeth in your kid's arm and Sarah Palin with the taste of power in her mouth?
A: Eventually, the pitbull will let go.

Q: What's the difference between a Palin supporter and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.

I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Non-standard tests for food freshness

Don't waste food by throwing it out just because the "Sell By" date has expired. That's just a conspiracy by the Military-Nutritional Complex to get you to buy more food.

The following tests can tell you whether the food is still good to eat.

Meat: You open the fridge door. You hear voices shouting "Turn off the light! You're ruining the party!" Time to throw out the meat.

Milk: When milk has been colonized by bacteria, use the following test. Make a cup of tea. Pour the milk into the tea. If the colonists don't throw the tea over the side, it's still good to drink.

Cheese: If it's not moldy, it's good. If it is moldy, just cut the moldy parts off. The rest is still good. If it was moldy when you bought it, it's good forever. If it's been so long that you can't remember whether it was moldy when you bought it... then you should probably throw it out.

Sour Cream: There is no known test for sour cream. Really, the stuff comes that way. If it doesn't kill you, it's good.

Broccoli rabe, arugula, fennel bulbs: If you're reading this advice and you find any of these things in the fridge, you got drunk last night and woke up in somebody else's house.

If this doesn't make you a little teary...'re not paying attention:


Wednesday, November 05, 2008


Overheard while dropping my son off at daycare this morning: "I'm scared about Obama. The first thing he's going to do is make friends with Iran and Iraq because he's a muslim."

Now that is a special kind of crazy right there.