Monday, March 26, 2007

I have to stop reading WebMD

Every time I read WebMD I discover another disease that I'm suffering from. I read the list of symptoms and lo and behold, I have that. According to my self-diagnosis, I have everything from acne to zoster virus. Amazingly, I have stuff it shouldn't be possible to have at the same time. I have insomnia and narcolepsy. I have diarrhea and constipation. I have all the symptoms of both hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism (I may be the world's smallest giant). I also have anxiety disorder and depression (at least, I do after reading WebMD for a while).

I seem to be particularly prone to stuff that's named after people. I think I have Crohn's disease, Graves' disease, and Reiter's syndrome. I also have Reyes' Syndrome -- and he has mine.

I've decided to stop reading about anything that's named after two doctors as those seem to be the ones that are so unpleasant, no one doctor wanted their name associated with it. That rules out Guillain-Barre', Epstein-Barr, Kreuzfeld-Jacob, and Beri-Beri. OK, that last one isn't really named after the Beri brothers, but its still pretty nasty.

Last week my armpit was hurting. According to my self-diagnosis, I have bubonic plague.

Either that, or my t-shirt is too tight.